An open letter to Donald Trump, who is a very rich man, only one of the beautiful things about him.
You might not remember me, but we’ve met a couple of times. We are both members of the same historic golf club. If I remember correctly, the first time we met was in the pro shop, when you were just back from the club having suspended you. Natch, you were a bit p’ d off. I remember you threatened to buy the club (which wasn’t for sale) and sow the greens with salt or some such thing, but hey, in your position I’d probably be kind of ticked too.
What did they suspend you for again, exactly? Oh, right, it was because you decked a guy out on the course over a putting dispute – nothing like a competitive game of golf to bring out the raging beast in a man. At least, so I hear. Stuffy old club to insist that it’s a gentleman’s game and maybe those playing it should act like gentlemen (the men, anyway). In any case, sorry about that. I think self-control is highly overrated, especially in someone considering a run for President of the United States.
I saw your interview on TV the other day! Boy, you were fabulous! Love the jet. That was a really good idea to have the interview on your own plane. Make it clear right from the outset that if you do decide to run, it isn’t for a ride on Air Force One. You already have a great big plane of your own and from what I understand, plenty of money to fund your campaign.
How did you put it precisely? Oh, yes, I remember. “One of the beautiful things about me, is that I am very, very rich.’ Boy, that’s good. Because I hear running for president is very, very expensive. I’m glad it won’t be a problem for you!
So what other beautiful things about you? Certainly not that you’re one of the few nuts left in America still questioning where our President was born? (Honestly, Don, think you might want to give that one a rest!) Or how about your third wife? She’s pretty darn beautiful from what I’ve seen. I don’t think it’s your comb-over hair though! Forgive me for being so frank but you could do with a better barber – maybe give you a look that’s more presidential. I take it you’re no longer wearing the pale pink golf pants? Melanie sure looks like she has plenty of style – bet she’s spruced up your wardrobe since I saw you last.
But, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get back to the braggy rich thing. Undoubtedly, you are very rich. You know you are, I know you are and I think so does the whole world. So maybe you don’t need to state the obvious quite so – obviously. I mean, I live in Monaco where there are lots of people who are very, very rich too. But they don’t go around saying it.
Just a thought…
Take care, Donald, and best to Melanie and the kids.