21 March 2011

Dear Donald

An open letter to Donald Trump, who is a very rich man, only one of the beautiful things about him.

Dear Donald:

You might not remember me, but we’ve met a couple of times. We are both members of the same historic golf club. If I remember correctly, the first time we met was in the pro shop, when you were just back from the club having suspended you. Natch, you were a bit p’ d off. I remember you threatened to buy the club (which wasn’t for sale) and sow the greens with salt or some such thing, but hey, in your position I’d probably be kind of ticked too. 

What did they suspend you for again, exactly?  Oh, right, it was because you decked a guy out on the course over a putting dispute – nothing like a competitive game of golf to bring out the raging beast in a man. At least, so I hear. Stuffy old club to insist that it’s a gentleman’s game and maybe those playing it should act like gentlemen (the men, anyway). In any case, sorry about that. I think self-control is highly overrated, especially in someone considering a run for President of the United States.

I saw your interview on TV the other day! Boy, you were fabulous! Love the jet. That was a really good idea to have the interview on your own plane. Make it clear right from the outset that if you do decide to run, it isn’t for a ride on Air Force One. You already have a great big plane of your own and from what I understand, plenty of money to fund your campaign.

How did you put it precisely? Oh, yes, I remember. “One of the beautiful things about me, is that I am very, very rich.’ Boy, that’s good. Because I hear running for president is very, very expensive. I’m glad it won’t be a problem for you!

So what other beautiful things about you? Certainly not that you’re one of the few nuts left in America still questioning where our President was born? (Honestly, Don, think you might want to give that one a rest!) Or how about your third wife?  She’s pretty darn beautiful from what I’ve seen. I don’t think it’s your comb-over hair though! Forgive me for being so frank but you could do with a better barber – maybe give you a look that’s more presidential. I take it you’re no longer wearing the pale pink golf pants? Melanie sure looks like she has plenty of style – bet she’s spruced up your wardrobe since I saw you last.

But, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get back to the braggy rich thing. Undoubtedly, you are very rich. You know you are, I know you are and I think so does the whole world. So maybe you don’t need to state the obvious quite so – obviously.  I mean, I live in Monaco where there are lots of people who are very, very rich too.  But they don’t go around saying it.

Just a thought…

Take care, Donald, and best to Melanie and the kids.


  1. Well, I can certainly say , that I have had a very wonderful experience with THE DONALD who is so incredibly generious without a lot of "show". There are so many times when he has donated without any pomp and circumstance associated with it. In fact,he was coming to an Austrian Golf Tournamnet but at the last minute had to cancel. Because the charity associated with the event supported Breast Cancer, he sent a VERY LARGE donation and a wonderful letter that showed more classs than most celebrities around the world, especially Europeans.NOT to mention he was not expecting money to "show up" in the first place, like many others, in Europe. Sorry but that is the truth. I too, have lived in Monaco and know many wealthy wealthy people but I do not usderstand what the difference is. The wealth in Monaco is not a secret. And also in America there are very wealthy people who do great things but do not flaunt it.
    Anyway, you criticize his famly and 3rd wife. WELL I can assure you this , ALL of his 5 children have done remarkably well. NOT becasue they are rich but becasue they are hard working, respectful and well educated. They are grounded. That does not happen over night and because one has money, but because they have had a proper upbringing and that is THE DONALD's greatest achievment.
    That is not to say that he has not acted like a "jerk" before as WE ALL HAVE. But to condem a man who is intelligent and wealthy because of hard work who wants to aid in problems of our Nation, sorry, he deserves respect. Not just a memory of a golf country club experience. Rememeber Ronald Reagan? Great President, married twice. Actor that nobody wanted to take serious at first when he ran for Governor, and had children that were "embarasing" in the press. Just sayin...

    And with all of that .. Alexis... I love a great debate and I LOVE YOUR BLOG! keep on keeping on~~

  2. Dear Anonymous:

    Please know I do respect The Donald as a businessman, and it certainly was never my intention to criticize him as a father. I have met his daughter who is a successful, hardworking and lovely woman. But, that said, I simply don’t see the man as Presidential material and find the constant flaunting of his wealth unnecessary to say the least! But thanks for writing!!!

  3. Very funny and incredibly well written!

  4. I'm with you, Alexis: Not presidential at all. But maybe he could balance the budget by taking his own plane instead of Air Force One.

  5. I just stumbled on your blog, well - not really stumbled. Someone posted the link at Huffington Post. I LOVED your letter to Trump.

    From my limited experience with really, really rich people they don't have to constantly tell people how rich they are! And really, really intelligent people don't have to constantly tell people how smart they are. I am sure that he has his good qualities, but his constant self- congratulatory prattle strikes me as obnoxious and a little pathetic.

    If, at one time I had an ounce of respect for the man, though, he lost it when he jumped on the ridiculous birther band wagon. If he really is as intelligent as he claims to be he is more cravenly hypocritical than I ever imagined. He never saw a birth announcement a newspaper? He thinks it strange that his "poor" parents would have put a notice in the paper? He thinks the BC states that he is a Muslim? He thinks some functionary in Hawaii Dept of Health is like his rich friends of Wall Street who are experts at forgery? Give me a friggin' break!

    There have to be some serious conservatives out there who were excited to hear that he was considering running who are now pulling their hair out with his embracing this idiocy.

    Good luck with your new blog. You have a great style of writing and I think that you will go far.

    Your newest fan, Patchdee from Huff Post

  6. Thanks so much, I couldn't agree more!

  7. Got news for Donald -- the hospitals in those days released the birth announcements to the local papers. The parents, poor or not, had nothing to do with the process. It was simply routine procedure. Also, religion is NOT on birth certificates.


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